I’ve always dreamed of doing work I love full time. By work I love I mean something that makes the best use of my favourite skills, that feels valuable, that I lose myself in, and that has meaning and purpose. Don’t we all? I’ve had jobs that have allowed me to do some of the things I love, and I’ve worked on projects that I’ve really enjoyed. But mostly, my day to day work has felt increasingly like drudgery, an endless list of tasks that need to be carried out as quickly and as efficiently as possible, a type of work that ultimately drains me and is mismatched with the core of who I am. It wasn’t that I was bad at it, in fact I was good enough, but it became clear that I would never be brilliant at it.

This is not the first time I’ve been here. Quite a few years ago I took the step of applying to do an art foundation. I’d already done a degree, but I longed to discover more about my creative side. It was a decision based on the logic that if I didn’t do it now, I’d still be wanting to do it in ten years’ time. I walked in off the street, got an interview at the college the following week and was offered a place on the spot with no portfolio to speak of. I absolutely loved it and finished with a distinction, but at times I experienced an almost crippling fear – fear of failing but also fear of being brilliant. What would happen to my world if I could actually shine at something?

Do any of us actually ‘get there’ and find that life? I think many people can and do. I certainly want to. To that end I’ve embarked on a quest to change my career and find work I love. It’s been a journey in itself even to begin, to regain a sense of value and empowerment. This blog is part of that beginning. In fact it’s one of my action points from the first of four career change workshops I’m attending at the Escape School (run by the brilliant Escape the City). There are so many people who grow up with expectations put on them that amount to jumping through a series of hoops – school, university, corporate job etc etc… a treadmill. So many of us live with unrealised dreams, and potential that we have progressively denied and squashed. As Seth Godin wrote in Tribes: We need you to lead us, ““Life’s too short” is repeated often enough to be a cliché, but this time it’s true. You don’t have enough time to be both unhappy and mediocre. It’s not just pointless, it’s painful. Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” 

There comes a point when you can no longer deny who you are, and you owe it to yourself to at least try to realise that person, and to allow yourself the full expression of your unique set of gifts and abilities. Anaïs Nin puts it so aptly, ‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom’. Here’s to blossoming.

^{© Alexandra Noel – All rights reserved. 8th October 2014.}